Oh how he loves
This past week was inevitably one of the most trying I have yet to experience. For those of you who aren’t familiar with me personally, let me explain to you how little I enjoy the wilderness. There have been countless moments in my life where I have “missed out” on memories because I can’t swallow the idea of sleeping in a tent. It sounds very shallow and silly but I don’t like spiders. I don’t like being wet. And I don’t like bonfires (the smoke and my lungs REALLY don’t agree on much). With all of that being said, I have to say I was right about how much I despised the idea of camping. This past week was spent in Orbisonia, Pennsylvania on a farm called Agape. Gorgeous town, spectacular bands, and lots of laughs. But that was not liberated from the absurd nightly climate changes, intense thunderstorms, and a severe case of “holy crap, I miss my friends bad.” One night, I literally cried myself to sleep. It wasn’t out of repulsion to the environment or severe craving of a girls night with my lovely DNA group (although, I definitely could have used that). I was upset because I wasn’t sure what I was doing was for God. My friends who spent time with me before I left know that one of my biggest convictions is the fact that I tend to obsess over God’s call for my life. Instead of praying about it and reading His word and soaking up everything He says, I frustrate myself over the fact that He hasn’t screen shared with me and typed out my life story. It all goes back to some evil control issues that I have. Regardless, this particular night, it was extremely difficult to hear His voice and the Enemy was definitely working on my heart. The next day was a daze. I was flustered and frustrated and still uncertain about my reasons. Then, Erin suggested we take an afternoon “off.” We had yet to really have a ladies day and just went out and bonded over our love of God and music and life. So we wandered into Huntingsdon. After much conversation, several LP’s, CD’s, and $2 DVDs (Yep, that place rocked), and some very delicious vegetarian dishes, I was starting to feel like God was stepping back in. Then we opened up some devotionals and started to read.
One of the devotionals was nothing short of a huge “Oh Jesus” moment. The entire devotional was speaking about how the Enemy doesn’t intend to come in and wipe us out with one swift kick. His attack is a slowly devised manipulation of our human flaws. The whole week, I was getting frustrated and distant as a result of other threads that were coming untied in my life. Yeah, they were small threads. But that’s how that jerk works. He was working his way into my brain and convincing me that things weren’t working because God didn’t have this plan for me anymore. As if God doesn’t know what’s happening next or what kind of decisions I’m about to make… The only problem was it was working until now. And if I didn’t stop dead in my tracks and transition the way I was thinking about “my” plans and “my” purpose, the threads would continue to unravel and I would continue on a downward spiral into miserable uncertainty. Lucky for me, God was ready for me to ask Him to pick me back up. Which leads me to another point…
One of the musicians this past week, singer of Tenth Avenue North, was talking about worshipping during live music. He was explaining how he loves when the audience has their arms raised but hes hoped it wasn’t out of obligation or peer pressure or habit. He said his youngest daughter often wanders up to his ankles and raises her arms to him when she is excited or when she is hurt or upset. She looks up to him in need of comfort and says “Daddy, hold youuu. I need you Daddy.” He compared that look in her eyes and need for his attention and comfort and ultimate surrender to his authority to our submission in worship. When we throw our arms in the air, we are asking our Lord to hold us. We are crying out to Him that we need Him to take us into that moment fully and comfort us where we are.
Anyways, I have clearly been learning SO much from this trip. And I have been struggling quite a bit as well. So please continue praying for my summer and the lives that I come in contact with. I am sure I will be learning more than I will be teaching. And I love that idea completely. Thank you for all the prayers and finances you have already sent my way. I miss everyone back home and can’t wait to meet those of you that I haven’t yet. Please let me know if any of you have any specific prayer requests or if you have any questions or would like to be added to my “I’ll send out these postcards one day” list. ❤ (please continue to prayerfully consider donating to my food funds for this summer)
Adventures 